Kim's Pain

 I am emotionally drain today. I have not written in awhile and it is frustrating to write when there is no good news. I decided not to go back to the WW dumb decision maybe, but I was not ready.  I was paying $15 dollars a week for what I can't tell you. In the beginning my mind was set to lose and maybe that was because of the new resolution I set for myself in January.

Don't get me wrong I am sick, sick, sick of being overweight. My thighs are so big that when; I walk it is a horrible sound that comes from the middle and my arms are so heavy and wide that it drives me mad to see them in the mirror. When I look in the mirror and do a full body shot it looks like two lumps in the front and a big lump on my backside with two bread rolls for sides no hips. I think I describe my body to a (T).

And what scares me the most is that the power lies within me to change things and I am not ready. Why? What? and How do I get ready again? My weakness is my night eating. No surprises there especially not to me.That has always been my weakness for as long as I can remember. Believe me I want to work out; it starts out good. On Monday I started out doing 5 minutes and that may not be much time to someone else but for me it was overwhelming carrying and lifting this 257lb body on and off my stepper. Then by Wednesday, I've worked myself up to 15 minutes then Friday rolls around and I am discouraged because my feet, knees and legs are in so much pain. I don't care and give up.
What? Why? I wish I knew.
This weight is weighing me down, and I don't know how to get back up. My starting point is like a circle; I want to go around but I keep knocking myself back down.